Advise from Aunt Inae

Dear Aunt Inae,
I like a guy at my school and he seems to like me, too. We do a lot of things together. Unfortunately, whenever we go somewhere, he doesn’t have much money so I have to pay for his Starbucks or McDonald’s. He said his parents don’t give him much of an allowance. I don’t mean to complain, but I don’t get much allowance, either. How can I get him to pay his fair share? – Poor in Pendik

Dear Poor in Pendik,
It seems to me that this guy is getting advantages from you; either he is using you or he is really poor. I understand that this is a difficult situation for you and it is not easy to either break or continue the relationship. I believe you should speak to him immediately about this problem. Tell him that this is not the way relationship normally work with others. My best suggestion is that you find another guy who pays for you whenever you go on dates. If you would really like to stay with this boy. Go on dates that do not cost you money. Go to each others' houses and spend the evening talking together. Watch a movie and eat there, or go for a picnic with snacks and enjoy the view.
Aunt Inae


Dear Aunt Inae,
My husband and I are raising four beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, age 15, has admitted to us that she has been drinking alcohol at parties on weekends. She says she never gets drunk but always has one drink because "everyone else is doing it" and she doesn't want to look "weird."

My husband and I never drink. Alcohol is not served in our home. Our daughter is an honor student and never has caused us any trouble. She says we should appreciate her honesty and not be angry with her. How should we handle this? — Beside Ourselves Buyuk Cekmece

Dear Beside Ourselves,
I understand that you have a serious problem in the family. Having a daughter who is drinking underage is not easy to handle for parents, especially if she is a honor student at school. But it seems to me that she has waited quite a long time to tell you the truth about her drinking. Therefore, I do not think her "honesty" is very acceptable. It is also a problem to act the way she does because others are all doing the same. This may lead to lack of confidence, and she may start doing every other unhealthy things that her "friends" may be doing, such as drugs. This may cause her future to be extremely unstable. I suggest that you tell her to stop drinking alcohol this instant. If she objects, tell her that you are doing the best for her and her future. You might also stop her from hanging out with her friends and going to their parties.


Dear Aunt Inae,
I have a lot of homework every night. At the same time, I want to spend time with my friends, participate in extra-curricular activities, and use Facebook. If I don’t get on Facebook every night, I feel left out. At the same time, I think I’m wasting a lot of time and it is one way I could make better use of my time. What do you suggest? -- Sometimes lonely in Libadiye

Dear Sometimes Lonely,
I sense your feelings about loneliness when not on Facebook every night. Spending time with friends and participating in extra-curricular activities are great ideas, and they are chances to get more involved and get to know your friends better; it will certainly improve your friendships. But that does not mean you need to spend countless hours on Facebook every single day, when you should instead be doing homework. Hanging out with friends at school is enough to get close with them. If you really feel left out and that you must do it every night, then give yourself a time limit. When your friends want to go out, tell them you are busy, they will understand if they are true friends. It will definitely help you to focus on your homeworks and studies. And when you have less homework, you can feel free to go out and have fun!